One of the great benefits of trying to stay focused on Christ’s call to implement his agenda of righteousness over every sphere of our lives is that Jesus’ kingdom teaching is so relevant to our everyday lives. Today we look at how Jesus teaches his kingdom disciples to overcome destructive anger.
Author Les Carter has written a book on anger. In it he lists 13 steps to an angry life of misery. Here are just a few that may sound familiar:
1.Take pride in being a perfectionist. Some of the angriest people in the world are perfectionists—those who expect perfection from others and themselves. They are guaranteed to find a great deal of frustration.
2. Don’t listen to anyone else’s point of view. Your anger is justified because the other person messed up. If a person is dedicated to being angry, he won’t allow any give or take.
3. Expect other people to cater to your every whim because when they don’t you can get angry.
4. Constantly demand your rights. This is one of the surest steps towards a life of anger. Forget that the Bible speaks of responsibilities rather than rights. Forget Jesus’ command to serve and exalt others above yourself. Get angry when your rights are violated, and you are not treated with respect anyway!
5. Have no compassion for those who are suffering. You’re a self-made person. You picked yourself up by your bootstraps to be what you are today. Everyone should do the same. As far as everyone else is concerned, there is no excuse for human frailty. It’s a cop out for a bunch of people who want things handed to them on a silver platter.
I’m sure that these steps are TOTALLY UNFAMILIAR to my blog readers! Right? Let’s examine what Jesus taught about anger. Matthew 5:21ff.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Mt 5:21-24).
To set the context here, we need to remember that Jesus’ mission was NOT just to die for our sins so that we could receive a pardon from God. It was to overthrow the usurpers of Adam’s throne as the ruler of earth—Satan, sin, and the death that sin always brings, and establish Christ’s kingdom of righteousness over earth. The redemption that Jesus purchased for Christians changes the way God’s Covenant people relate to the OT Law. The OT ceremonial law, i.e. ritual cleanliness laws, sacrifices and the priesthood were only a street sign on the biblical road map pointing to Jesus. The signs have been torn down. Similarly, Israel’s civil laws (though revealing principles of equity and justice for all nations) do not apply to the church, which is a spiritual community that exists inside the civil governments of the world. However, there is a third category of law—the moral law of God, which is written on the heart of all men and can never be abrogated because it reflects the very holiness of God, his moral purity. Jesus was very clear that his coming does NOT overthrow the moral law of God. His words were:
Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven (Mt 5:17-19).
Not only does the moral law of the OT continue into the NT, Jesus corrects the Pharisaic teaching that the OT Law of God was only about EXTERNAL obedience. In the section of the Sermon on the Mount we are studying, Jesus says, “Not only does God’s moral law prohibit OUTWARD murder and the injuring of another’s body, it also probits the injuring of another’s self-esteem. Not only does God’s moral law probit OUTWARD adultery, it prohibits the INNER lust of the heart. In other words, Jesus taught that the moral law of God was actually MORE BINDING on God's people than the Pharisees contended. That moral law covered our INNER HEART attitudes, not just our OUTWARD BEHAVIOR.
If we are going to get our Lord’s mission for us straight, we must keep in mind the correct definition of legalism. Legalism is NOT: seeking to be thoroughly righteous in character. Jesus said, “blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.” Legalism is seeking to be righteous IN OUR OWN STRENGTH. Legalism is NOT striving to do the right thing to please God. Both God the Father and God the Son have said, “If you love me keep my commandments.” Legalism is trying to please God TO TRY TO MAKE HIM LOVE ME MORE, instead of trying to please God BECAUSE HE ALREADY loves me unconditionally.
Christ's mission to overthrow sin mean's transforming NOT just outward behavior, but the INNER attitudes of OUR HEARTS. Christ's victory over sin and ascension to the right hand of God the Father led to his sending of the HOLY SPIRIT to indwell our hearts and transform them. The Holy Spirit brings the power of Christ’s defeat of sin into our hearts. We need that power to defeat anger. So, let’s try to gain some biblical wisdom for this fight.
WHAT IS ANGER?
Fundamentally, anger is a response to pain. It is a secondary emotion, always a reaction to some form of pain. In fact, you could say that anger is deflected pain. Pain comes in and our self-protective instincts put up a shield of armor to protect our inner selves from pain and that pain is deflected back out as anger. Let me illustrate what I mean.
A pastor and his wife opened their home to an 8-year-old boy as foster parents. The day came when Bill, the pastor, had to tell the 8-year-old that he was going to have to move to another home. Bill postponed the conversation as long as he could. Finally, Bill said a prayer and headed to the garage where the boy was putting the final touches on a model Bill had bought him—a model car that had become the boy’s pride and joy. Bill carefully, sensitively explained the situation. The boy never looked up, never said anything…until he grabbed the model, slammed it down on the cement floor smashing it into pieces and blurted, "What do people think I am—a football that you just pass around whenever you feel like it?” Then he clammed up tighter than a drum as he tried to fight back his tears, seething with anger. The pain penetrated his heart—hit the steel armor around the heart and deflected back out as rage.
Three Types of Pain that Quickly Turn to Anger
1. A wound to our self-esteem. A husband drives up the driveway late for dinner the third time that week. The dinner is cold, and his wife is hot. Why? What’s going on? Obviously she's mad. But, let's ponder what is really going on. What was her first emotion before she jumped over to anger? It is the pain of being disrespected—that she is not important enough for him to get there on time, that she is second in line in her husband’s priorities, that she is NOT valued, NOT treasured the way a wife needs to be by her husband. That hurts! It is also the pain of working hard after she got home to fix a nice meal for the man she loves, which is ruined because it is now cold.
2. The pain of frustration in reaching our goals. A toddler is stacking blocks to make a tower. When he tries to put the 9th one on top, it falls along with the #7 and #8. So, the toddler slams his hand across the whole rest of the tower demolishing it. The pain of frustration. How about driving? You cut your sechedule close, but you fully complete that third item on your to-do list. Now there is no margin and you really, really need to get to this lunch meeting with a potentially BIG client ON TIME. Wouldn't you know, the slowest driver in the state happens to turn in front of you and it is a two-lane, no passing zone for ten miles. He's doing 23 in a 45 mph zone! Impatient anger and hostility towards this slow driver floods into our soul (if you are like me.) Or, consider the anger produced by having your goal frustrated that breaks out at the end of football games, when losing players who have fought heart and soul to win, realize their efforts will end in defeat.
3. The pain of injustice. Human injustice should cause us pain. Jim Crow laws should have infuriated every American Christian. Jesus was so furious with the way the money-changers and priests were cheating the poor in the temple, that he made a whip to drive them out. Jesus was also furious with the hard-hearted Pharisees who saw his miraculous restoration of a handicapped man’s arm as a chance to knit pick the law instead of celebrating this joyful wholeness of a formerly suffering human. Right now, in 2023 we should be furious with those promoting gender theory and affirming care, for the harm they are doing to precious, troubled pubescent girls. But even if the pain is a righteous pain of injustice, we cannot let that righteous anger become hostile anger, nor can we let the hostile anger of injustice lead us to get revenge. Some have grown up in homes where if they are hit—they instantly hit back. If they hear criticism, they instantly react, firing their own verbal bullets almost without thinking. Scripture is clear: Never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Rom 12:19-21).
The cardinal rule in dealing with anger is to look beneath it to the pain causing it so that we can deal with the pain the right way, not wrong way.
WRONG RESPONSES TO PAIN
In Genesis 4, we discover that the first murder in human history took place because of anger. We read, Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So, Cain was very angry. Cain was angry because his offering was rejected and Abel’s was accepted. The pain of rejection turned to hostile anger and that led to physical assault—Cain murdered Abel. In Jesus’ mind hostile anger can also easily lead to verbal assault as well. In fact, says Jesus, such assaults violate the 6th commandment as surely as murder does. As he explains in our Matthew 5 text:
A. ANGRY WORDS: Anyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment . James 1:20 says, “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” The particular Greek word used by Jesus is for anger that has not been dealt with. It is simmering anger that projects hostility.
B. WORDS THAT MAKE A PERSON FEEL STUPID. Again, anyone who says to a brother ‘Raca’ will be liable to the council. The most literal translation of Raca is “empty-headed.” This is injury caused by attacking another’s self-esteem. By the way, here is a piece of folklore that is completely false. “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Being made to feel stupid is a wound that you carry with you your whole life. I know. I have some of those wounds. Jesus here prohibits more crass words like, “you idiot,” “you moron,” “you just don’t get it do you,” but also more subtle attacks on one’s self esteem, “I can’t believe you would do that,” translation: I can’t believe you’re that stupid. Impatient words also attack a child’s self-esteem. “When are you ever going to learn how to spell.”
C. WORDS THAT ATTACK A PERON’S CHARACTER. anyone who says, ‘You fool! will be liable to the hell of fire. Jesus is talking about anger vented in an attack on one’s character. The Hebrew term fool connoted foolishness. But in Israel such folly was not about a shortage of intelligence but about a lack of moral character. Jesus says here that attacking a person’s character is a serious violation of the sixth commandment, “You shall not murder.” Every human is made in God’s image and for that reason alone must be treated with dignity. James, the brother of Jesus tells us. No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God (3:8-9). Character assassination most often comes with the phrases, you always and you never. “You’re so self-centered, you never think of anyone else.” “You always spend too much money at that store.” As James observes, a parent’s tongue is very powerful. As parents we need to CORRECT BEHAVIOR and BUILD CHARACTER, not ATTACK it. As spouses we need to COMMUNICATE OUR FEELINGS but never ATTACK CHARACTER. Rather, we are to PRAISE it.
ABC’s of RESPONDING TO ANGER
A. ACKNOWLEDGE that your inner temperature is rising. Prov. 4:23 commands, Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. Anger is like the warning light on the dashboard of the car. It lets us know there is a problem that needs to be dealt with. Don’t excuse it, ignore it, deny it, or vomit it out on others. Instead, acknowledge it.
B. BACKTRACK to the pain. Ask yourself, “What is the inner hurt that is behind this response of anger?" If you snap at your wife when you first walk in the door, after work maybe the hurt has to do with your extra efforts not being appreciated by your boss. Are you always angry and critical with your wife? What is the real pain behind your anger? If your son is angry because he has to clean his room on Saturday, it is worth thinking about the cause of the pain. It may be that he is self-centered and doesn’t like anyone imposing on his schedule, or that he is lazy. But it may also be that his best friend is going away Saturday afternoon for the weekend and they made special plans to go to the skate park Saturday morning. Perhaps your son should get up early and first clean his room, then go to the skate park. Regardless, associating the anger with pain can be helpful.
C. CHRIST. Take your pain to Christ. 2 Cor. 10 says, We take captive every thought to make it captive to Christ. God never wastes pain—he always has a purpose for it. Rom. 8:28-29 tells us what that general purpose is—to make us more like Christ. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his son. Taking our pain to Christ:
- May mean that we primarily experience our Lord’s comfort.
- May mean that we have to learn the hard lesson of forgiving others as Christ forgave us.
- It may mean finding the courage in Christ to confront someone who hurt us.
- Taking your pain to Christ is not the same thing as burying it or being passive!!
- It may mean that we see that our anger came because something was preventing us from reaching our idol of success, or acceptance or control.
- There are as many ways to Biblically process your pain as there are painful situations. The key is to take the pain to the Lord instead of letting the pain take you into sin.
D. DAMAGE. Repair the damage your anger has caused. Immediately after telling us that wounding with our anger is sin, Jesus tells us what to do when such a wound has occurred. Matt. 5:23 Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Proud men who will not seek the forgiveness of their wives and children when they wound them will drive their family members away. A wall will build up, brick by brick, each time he wounds but refuses to take responsibility for the pain he caused. But if he humbles himself and obeys this verse, he will find that our family members are quick to forgive (and the pain of asking them to forgive us will help US better control our temper!) They do not need perfect husbands and fathers, just fathers who love them enough to ask for forgiveness when they need to.
I'm so glad that someone taught me the importantce of asking forgiveness when I offend others. One Sunday, when I was a church planter, as I was unloading my kids to head into Gaithersburg Elementary school where we met for our services, I remember being sharp—spewing angry words that bit into the soul of my most tender-hearted child, Karen, probably the child who wanted most to please me. I thought little of it until one of our elders was in the midst of the pastoral prayer. Rick always had a way of drawing me into God’s presence when he prayed. I was about to place my gift—the sermon I had prepared—on the altar to ask God to use it, when Jesus’ words came to mind…if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your daughter, Karen, has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your daughter; then come and offer your gift. I got up, quickly raced to the children’s church classroom, motioned for Karen to come outside and said, “Karen I was impatient and hurtful to you in the words I said getting out of the car. You did not deserve to be treated that way. Would you forgive me?” She said, “yes” and I raced back to the service. Sinners don’t always go through steps A, B, and C with our anger. So, we have to humble ourselves and follow step D—repair the damage our anger has done.
For Further Prayerful Thought.
- What was the most helpful truth you discovered about anger?
- In your experience which experience provokes the hottest anger, something that frustrates reaching your goals, injustice, or being disrespected. Are there other sources of pain you can think of that generate anger?
- How can the thought that God never wastes pain hep you overcome anger?
