Today we begin a new series, entitled, "Successful Spiritual Leaders at Home” with a quiz for you. True or false? When Adam sinned by eating from the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, God judged him for failing to be the spiritual leader of his home. We might be tempted to say, “False. He was judged for eating the forbidden fruit.” But listen to God’s exact words to Adam. “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you…”
(Gen 3:17). The first words out of God’s mouth, in judgement for Adam’s sin of eating the fruit, call attention to Adam’s reversal of God’s order of creation. Adam was to lead Eve and they together were to rule over the reptile kingdom. But in the midst of the fall is flagrant rebellion against that order: Adam listens to Eve and Eve listened to the serpent. That reversal of God’s order is so important to him that God starts with that reversal, before mentioning the actual transgression—eating the forbidden fruit. In a culture that is steeped in egalitarianism, we might say, “What’s the big deal? They both disobeyed God by eating the fruit.” But God wants to let us know that he is offended by this rebellion against his gender-role design, as well as the transgression of eating the fruit. This episode explores the significance of Adam’s gender-designed role to be the spiritual leader and seeks to provide a clear portrait of what that leadership looks like.
Most Bible-believing scholars point out that the role-reversal in the fall is also indicated by Adam’s passive failure to protect Eve from the serpent’s lies. In the prior chapter, God assigned to Adam the responsibility to protect (SHAMAR) the garden sanctuary and those in it from harm or evil. Adam should have manned up and stepped between Eve and the serpent, especially since he was the one to whom God had given the command not to eat the fruit. But, he remained passive instead of manning up. Here is what he might have said:
“Now, wait just one minute here! Honey, this snake is up to no good. I can see right through his devilish cunning. He’s deceiving you into thinking you have more to gain from disobeying God than by remaining faithful to him. That’s a lie! Let me tell you exactly what God said to me before he made you. And look around us. This is Paradise. God made it and gave it all to us. We have no reason to doubt his goodness.” And then, turning away from Eve: “Snake this conversation is over. TAKE OFF. (Larry Crabb, The Silence of Adam).
So, we begin our biblical study of spiritual leadership at home by noting two sobering truths: 1) God takes a man’s failure to lead his home very, very seriously and 2) the sinful nature we inherit from Adam inclines us to neglect this vital responsibility assigned to us by God. On top of that, we swim upstream in a culture which loathes no one more than a male who sounds like he is promoting oppressive patriarchy. Social media has a label for the worldview of anyone who resists its demand to eliminate gender roles: toxic masculinity. The result, I fear, is that many Christian men are so afraid of authoritarianism—the abuse of others using their authority—that they passively fail to take hold of the authority assigned them to lead their families. Nevertheless, what the Bible actually teaches about leadership at home has tremendous power to motivate us as we see its glory! So, let’s examine the biblical view of men’s responsibility to lead their homes.
GOD SAYS MALE AND FEMALE ARE EQUAL BUT HAVE DIFFERENT ROLES
Our view of family leadership must begin with Genesis 1 where we are told unequivocally that femininity is required to fully image God, that both genders share equally in the dignity of bearing that image, and that women are equally called to exercise dominion in the development of culture through their vocation. When God begins teaching us about man and woman in Genesis 1, the first thing he stresses is the full equality and dignity of woman. The Puritan writer, Matthew Henry gives us the proper view of the equality and value of woman. “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him” (Commentary on Genesis).
But God then writes Genesis 2 to show us how different male and female are by design—so that they can complete what is lacking in the other, designing the marriage union to image the unity of the Trinity. Christians must resist the feminist threads in our culture that undermine the significant differences in the sexes. The Genesis description of Adam and Eve’s creation reveals a 5-fold parallel structure that intentionally highlights their differences.
- Adam was needed to work the ground (2:5); Eve was needed because of the aloneness of the man.
- Adam was created from the ground; Eve was created from the man.
- Adam’s name means the ground; Eve’s name is Ishah meaning she was taken out of Ish—the man.
- God brings Adam to the ground (garden) to work it and keep it: God brings Eve to the man to be his necessary ally, i.e. a helper suitable for the man.
- God curses Adams’s relationship to the ground when he sins; God curses Eve’s relationship to the man when she sins.
This parallel structure of the creation of Adam and Eve reveals the importance that God places on our different roles. Although many discipleship responsibilities given in the NT are generic, Paul reinforces God’s gender design by assigning different discipleship responsibilities to women than to men.
THE WORD LEADERSHIP: WHAT IT IS AND IS NOT
1.To lead means you are not static or passive; you are moving. Being the spiritual leader of your home is not merely a position description on an organizational chart. It is an active process of moving your followers towards Jesus
2. To lead means you are moving towards a goal. Leading is not merely to aimlessly move around but to move together towards a goal. Leaders provide goals to enable growth for the team members individually and as a team
3. To lead means more than to exercise authority i.e. being the one with the final say. It is intentionally moving your family members. Authority is a God-ordained structure that we must teach children to respect. But effective leadership (especially with adults and teens) must go beyond authority. Harry Selfridge, the owner of a London department store chain, shows his managers the difference between seeing themselves as bosses or leaders.
- The boss drives people, the leader coaches them.
- The boss depends upon authority, the leader depends upon good will.
- The boss says, “I”; the leader says, “We.”
- The boss fixes the blame for the breakdown; the leader fixes the breakdown.
- The boss knows how it is done; the leader shows how it is done.
- The boss says, “Go!”; the leader says, “Let’s go!”
4. To lead means you are bringing others with you. He who thinks he is leading when no one is following is only taking a walk. Leadership is getting your team to choose to come along with you to achieve shared goals. Leadership is influence, not coercion. Spiritual leadership in the home is the ability to get your wife and children to follow you in your love for Jesus. Successful spiritual leadership at home is creating a desire in your wife and in your children to WANT to follow you as you follow Christ.
VISUALIZING LEADERSHIP
Three COMPONENTS of Leadership
1.The Leader. This is us, not because we deserve it but because it is assigned to us by God. A wife who has better leadership gifts or greater spiritual maturity than we have is awesome to assist us; but she doesn’t replace us. Being a leader is also not synonymous with being an upfront person. Any church dynamics expert will tell you the real leader in the church may not hold office, but is the key influencer.
2.The Followers. These are our wives, kids, grandkids, or anyone we’re influencing towards Christ.
3. The Target: Our objective for our wife and children is for each to reach his or her full potential—fully developing their gifts and fully reaching spiritual maturity.
Three FUNCTIONS of Leadership
1.The orange arrow across the bottom axis connecting the leader to the target of spiritual maturity portrays the first function of leadership: FOCUS upon and MODEL your own growth to spiritual maturity. Leaders must lead from their lives (MODEL). However, here is a key point for men: What you model is direction not perfection. The gospel is that we all get knocked down by our own sin. Our kids know we fail. It does NOT help them to see us try to hide our failure; what they need is to see us fail and then get up, get back into the race, and follow after Christ even harder.
2. The green arrow up the Y axis connecting the Leader to Followers portrays the second function of leadership: BUILD your RELATIONSHIP with your followers. A leader’s influence is completely dependent upon the quality of his relationship with his followers. Jesus, affirmed, served, motivated, rebuked, challenged, felt compassion for, and loved his followers, winning their hearts.
3. The hypotenuse brown arrow from Followers to the Target Spiritual Maturity portrays the leader’s task: EQUIP and ASSIST your followers to keep taking steps towards the goal, spiritual maturity. The best leader is not a hero; he is a hero-maker (Hero Maker by Dave Ferguson.) Good leaders 1) help their followers see their own potential, 2) encourage them to discover their own, God-given gifts and passions, 3) equip them with training needed to succeed, 4) give them honest feedback, praising their successes, and pointing out their blind-spots. Many dads understand this part of fathering in the sports arena. We do everything we can to help our kids discover their athletic gifts, develop their skills at throwing, catching, kicking the soccer ball, take them to countless practices, try to get them the best coaching we can, and root obnoxiously for them during the games. Bob Hamrin of Great Dads asks Dad, Do you put as much energy into helping prepare your child to succeed spiritually as you do athletically?
This diagram might be considered the skeleton for effective spiritual leadership at home. Now, we look to some specific texts of Scripturte to fill out the picture.
SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP AT HOME JOB DESCRIPTION
A. Cause your family members to flourish. In Genesis 2:15 we are told that Adam is placed in the garden to work it (ESV). The Hebrew word for “work it” is AVAD, which is also translated cultivate (NASB). It means to make fruitful, to cause to flourish, to produce, to build, and to shape. Adam is to make the garden (which includes its inhabitants) fruitful—to provide what the garden needs to thrive, to help it and its inhabitants reach their fullest potential. This core concept of masculinity is that we spend our lives (energy and time) devoted to helping those under our care develop to their fullest potential. We sacrifice our greatest assets, time and energy, so that the garden (or civilization) as well as our wives and children (also in the garden) prosper, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
B. Protect your family members from harm. Genesis 2:15 continues, The LORD God put him in the garden of Eden to….keep it. The Hebrew word that is translated “keep it” is SHAMAR, which also means to guard, watch-over, and protect. The word is used of soldiers, shepherds, priests, custodians, and government officials. Rick Phillips writes, “This calling to keep rounds out the Masculine Mandate of the Bible. A man is not only to wield the plow but also to bear the sword. Being God’s deputy lord in the garden, Adam was not only to make it fruitful but to keep it safe. (The Masculine Mandate). The call to be the head of our homes requires us to protect those under our care, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
C. Take the initiative to figure out and meet the needs of your wife, and kids. Moses, the author of Genesis, reveals the universal principle that when it comes to the dance of man with woman, the man is the initiator. He is the one who leaves his father and mother to find and pursue her to give her his love. He asks her to dance. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. CS Lewis said, “God is so masculine that all of creation is feminine in comparison.” What he meant was that when God speaks (initiates action), creation responds. We also know that masculinity initiates by the pattern of Jesus our bridegroom who leaves his place in heaven and comes into the world, taking on the form of a servant who sacrifices himself for his bride at the cross, and then draws her to himself with the cords of love. Because Jesus initiated, we responded. We are his because he pursued us. When husband and wife are in an emotional stalemate or fight, he is the one called to initiate a path out of conflict and move towards her with open arms and unconditional love.
D. Build a foundation of obedience to God’s Word into your followers’ lives. In Genesis 18:19 God reveals with striking clarity what the responsibilities are of the head of the covenant family, beginning with Abraham the father of the Christian faith. God says, “For I have chosen Abraham that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.” God did not assign this task to Sara, nor did Paul assign the spiritual nurture of the children primarily to moms. His words in Ephesians 6:4: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Certainly, our wives partner with us in every way but God places the primary responsibility for training children in the way they should go upon dads.
E. Recover God’s unfallen design of masculinity in Adam. When we remember that the Apostle Paul rooted nearly all his teaching in the OT, his command to Ephesian husbands makes great sense. Adam is placed in the garden to spend his energy doing all he can to cause the garden and those in the garden—Eve and the children—to thrive. That is the purest definition of masculinity that I know of. Men die to themselves so that those under their leadership reach their full potential and flourish. So, Paul commands Ephesian husbands: Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Spiritual leadership at home means we pay whatever price is required to cause our wives to become radiant in godly character, i.e. reach their fullest potential. We are assigned authority to serve. Jesus said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” He who was rich became poor so that through his poverty, we might become rich (2 Cor 8:9) That is Jesus; but it is also redeemed masculinity.
Christ-following men die to themselves, paying whatever price is required for our wives and children to flourish, not because we are heroes but because we understand the definition of spiritual leadership at home: being hero makers.
When it comes to understanding the call to spiritual leadership at home, Christian men have something far better to offer our children and culture than misguided accusations of oppressive patriarchy, egalitarianism, feminism or transgenderism. We view our calling to lead not as a power play or a chance to take advantage of others, but as an opportunity to serve. We see the complementary roles we have the privilege of filling not as a sentence to misery but a summons to the joy of seeing our loved ones flourish.
For Further Prayerful Thought
- Why do you think God told Adam he was being punished for his role reversal as well as eating the forbidden fruit?
- What stood out to you in this episode about what leadership is not?
- How would you explain the three functions of leadership? (arrows in the diagram)
- What stood out to you about the job description of men being the spiritual leaders at home?
