The Apostle, Peter, assures us, His (Christ’s) divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires (2 Peter 1:3-4). So why do so many Christian men today have such a hard time breaking free from the power of sexual lust?
Last week, we started to answer that question, viewing our sexual appetite using the lens of creation, fall, redemption, consummation. (Redemption is freeing creation from sin, which has begun to happen during our present age. It will finally come to completion when Christ returns to earth to make all things new and us unable to sin. This part of redemption is sometimes, called consummation.) To review:
Creation. We saw that a strong male sex drive is intended to drive us into the arms of our wife, where we are surrounded and nurtured by her warmth and love. Through the explosive pleasure it brings, sex makes us want to come back to her soon!
Fall. We saw that sin has polluted the sexual nature of men by 1) taking nakedness outside the confines of marriage, 2) taking sex outside of heterosexual marriage, 3) separating sexual pleasure from a loving emotional, life-long love connection with a real woman, (which is the basis of prostitution, sex trafficking, and the billion dollar porn industry), 4) damaging the sexual relationship within monogamous marriage. We now turn to the last two categories, redemption and consummation.
Redemption. To redeem means to purchase out of slavery. Only through Christ can we be set free from the condemnation of sin (justification), and the power of sin (sanctification). The Holy Spirit is the only one who can transform our sin-corrupted hearts and restore our sexual desires and behavior to holiness. Here are four life-changing ways to walk in the power of Christ’s redemption of our sex drive for his glory.
A. Trust God to satisfy your sexual desires his way and in his timing. Your body and its sexual desires belong to God. You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies (1 Cor. 6:19-20). God takes good care of what belongs to him. He did not give you a strong sexual appetite because he wants to starve you! But Jesus taught us that the pathway to satisfy our desires is always the pathway of rightness. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied (Matt 5:6).
- If married, add “an intoxicating love life” to your prayer list. Prov. 5:19, says this is God’s will for married men. Pray according to God’s will!
- If you’re feeling “deprived” take that concern to God. God doesn’t want any Christian spouse depriving his or her mate of sexual fulfillment. God may need to help you have an honest discussion with your wife about your hardwiring.
- If you are single, God’s will is not for you to burn with unfulfilled sexual passion because he says so in 1 Cor. 7:9. So take your desire to be married to God, and remind him of what he has said.
- If you are single and feeling sexual desire, ask God to help you direct it into righteous channels. When I was single and felt sexually stimulated, I tried to channel it into prayer for the girl I was dating. (This worked sometimes. But sometimes I ended up masturbating.)
- Single guys, remember that your craving for sexual pleasure is often tied to other cravings in your heart, e.g. a release from boredom, or thirst for connection. The thought that sexual release is the only way to quench that thirst is a lie; God can meet the root desire in another, righteous way that satisfies the deeper truest hunger. Look for that way! Scripture assures us, God…will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Cor 10:13).
B. GUARD YOUR HEART by avoiding situations where your sexual desires are aroused with no righteous way to satisfy them.
- If you are on a diet, you don’t buy doughnuts.
- Jesus taught us to pray, “Lead us not into temptation.”
- By far THE EASIEST WAY TO WIN THE BATTLE for sexual integrity is to keep your sexual desires from being inappropriately stimulated.
- Paul urges us, Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires (Rom 13:14).
- Joe Dallas (Every Man’s Battle Seminar) writes, I believe there’s an eleventh commandment that says, “Thou shalt not kid thyself.” If you’re serious about sexual integrity, you’ll distance yourself not only from the particular sexual sin you are most prone to (fantasizing, pornography, affairs, prostitution) but you’ll ALSO distance yourself from any person or thing that entices you towards sin.
- Establish clear emotional and physical boundaries with women who are not your wife. (Emotional boundaries—not letting another woman become special, discussing each other’s marriage, etc. Physical boundaries—avoiding hugs, going out to eat alone or stopping into a woman’s hotel room, etc.) VP Mike Pence has been ridiculed for following such boundaries, but he is a wise Christ-follower!
C. Guard your heart by vigilantly watching for what might stimulate your sexual desires. God commands us, Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life (Prov 4:23). Picture the watch tower of a walled city and the sentinel gazing across the countryside watching for what enemies might approach the city.
- Have too much dignity to allow trashy advertising to stimulate your sexual desires. These desires are a treasure to be shared only with your wife, not exploited by advertisers. Man-up and don’t let Satan MESS WITH YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES.
- Keep in mind this truth: the longer you entertain a temptation, the more you increase its power to pull on your heart. In The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis says, “Yet we must be watchful, especially in the beginning of the temptation; for the enemy is then more easily overcome, if he is not suffered to enter the door of our hearts, but is resisted without the gate at the first knock.”
- For this reason, build the habit of bouncing your eyes away from sexually enticing sights. Job, who was a righteous man, shares an insight into his battle with lust. I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl (Job 31:1). Far easier to win the battle with lust here!!!
Consummation. At the end of history, Christ will return from heaven and make all things new. In the words of the Apostle, John, Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband (Rev 21:1-2).
D. Keep in mind that the explosive pleasure of sexual union in marriage is only a type, a foreshadow of an even greater pleasure to come—our spiritual union with Christ our true bridegroom. Paul writes of this parallel, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (Eph 5:31-32). The wedding supper of the lamb will take place and consummation will happen. We will be united forever to Christ our Lover—a pleasure so intense that God seems have to created the pleasure of orgasm to point to it. Here are some implications of this reality that matter in our battle with lust.
- Since our sexual appetite is part of our yearning for intimacy, the best antidote to lust is often to fill our soul with the pleasure of walking intimately with Christ. That is what God designed sexual union to point to. Jesus wants us to abide in his love.
- In Desiring God, Joh Piper writes: One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart—more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have. Quote Psalm 90:14, “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love that we might rejoice and be glad all our days.” Then, look, look, LOOK at the most magnificent person in the universe until you see him the way he is.
- When Paul wrote to the Corinthians about their sexual immorality, he did not simply say, STOP IT. He said, Don’t you know that you are made for God and God is the answer to our deepest longings (1Cor 6:13).
- Your sex drive can become a constant reminder of how much Jesus wants you! The prophet, Isaiah, foresaw the day of consummation and the longing of Jesus for his bride. He wrote, As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you (Is 62:5). If we could be consumed by the pleasure of being, enjoyed, delighted in, wanted, cherished—as a groom does his bride—that pleasure would so fill our hearts that the promise of illicit sexual pleasure would lose its power.
For Further Thought
1. Why do you think so many Christian men have such a hard time breaking free from the power of sexual lust?
2. When it comes to accessing the power of Christ to redeem our sexual desires, which of the four principles mentioned seems most difficult? Why?
Resources: The material in these two articles came from the following:
Seminar for Men and Young Men: Sexual Discipleship 201
Bible Study for Men and Young Men: (Just 56 pages, 9 chapters) Grace Transformed Sexuality: How Grace Changes a Man’s Heart and His battle with Lust
Couples Study (Designed for couples to go through together on three dates): Intimacy God’s Design for Marriage: Three Conversational Dates to Rediscover Intimacy in Your Marriage
