Antarctic explorer, Ernest Shackleton, posted this advertisement in 1913: “Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages. Bitter cold. Long months of complete darkness. Constant danger. Safe return doubtful. Honor and recognition in case of success.” More than 5000 men applied for 26 slots. Today, we begin a series entitled, Building the Mental Toughness of Jesus—a challenge more significant and tougher than traveling to the south pole. For, our opponent is not the outer elements of the physical world, but the inner Goliath of the SELF, whose many faces--self-centeredness, self-preoccupation, self-absorption, self-indulgence, self-exaltation--resist every effort to develop the mental toughness of Christ’s inner commitment to self-giving love. Simply stated, the mental fortitude demonstrated in Jesus’ character virtues and later named in Paul’s description of nine fruit of the Spirit, only come from developing powerful self-mastery that denies our feelings and sets our eyes, like a laser, on God’s perspective.
This episode examines the first fruit of the Spirit love. God tells us it is the greatest of all virtues. It is the character strength that will most draw your wife to you and the quality that your children most need. But it is the inner toughness that can only result from defeating a relentless, mighty enemy, our SELF-CENTEREDNESS. This enemy will never be defeated by Christians who settle for mediocrity in their allegiance to Jesus. Half-hearted warriors could never defeat this foe. But if you step into the arena fully, no matter what your giftedness, no mater how many times you’ve failed in the past, you will be on the path to what God says is true greatness. Faith, hope and love are awesome. But the greatest of these is love.
The English word love refers to a devoted attachment to another. As C. S. Lewis pointed out, the Greek language is more precise, having four different words for love. STORGEE refers to familial love and affection, i.e. attachment to our family, pets, and even familiar objects or places. PHILEO refers to friendship love. EROS refers to romantic love. Lewis writes, “Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; friends, side by side absorbed in some common interest.” The fourth Greek word for love, AGAPE, does not describe a kind of attachment but the moral quality of concern for another that in a sense overrides concern for self. Scholar. W.E. Vine writes, “Christian love, whether exercised toward the brethren, or towards men generally, is not an impulse from the feelings, it does not always run with the natural inclinations. This love seeks the welfare of all (Rom 15:2)” (Vines Expository Dictionary). In Paul’s famous love chapter, he states not only the primacy of love, but zooms in on ten different facets of the diamond, agape love.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful: it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.
As we think about the character of Christ, it is helpful to remember that character is a person’s characteristic attitude and that one’s attitude is shaped by one’s perspective. If your perspective about your afternoon is that you planned a picnic, pouring down rain will probably cause you to be bummed. If you are a farmer whose crops are drying up, your perspective will be gratefulness. So, in studying these ten AGAPE attitudes that constitute love, I have attempted to link them to biblical perspectives that empower that attitude.
TEN FACETS OF SACRIFICIAL LOVE
1. Love is PATIENT. MAKROTHUMIA from MAKROS long + THUMOS temper
Amplification:
- Love is slow to lose patience (J. B. Phillips).
- It is powerful, self-restraint in the face of provocation.
- It is enduring the pain of others' imperfections, without complaint.
- It has the self-mastery to overcome anger, refusing to vent it on another.
- It is seeing others wearing a T shirt that says, “Please be patient. God is not finished with me yet.”
- While waiting for her car to get through the car wash, a frazzled mother of three noticed her six-year-old reaching up trying get a cup from the pile of cups on top of the water cooler. But he could just barely touch the pile. All of a sudden—whoop—the whole floor is covered with paper cups. She exploded, “now you’ve had it” and when he wasn’t looking kicked him twice, knocking him into the water cooler, stunning him. He started crying, “I’m sorry Mommy. I’m sorry. Mommy forgive me,” as he went around trying to gather all the little cups up. She didn’t even look at him. How unlike God! I reach to find a little relief and I spill it all over the floor….and he understands. His grace even helps me clean it up. And he never, ever, kicks me.
Perspective Required for PATIENCE:
- Receivers of God’s inexhaustible grace must be givers of inexhaustible grace.
- Patience requires locking our eyes upon our own enormous failures and refusing to demand perfection from others when we ourselves fall so short.
2. Love is KIND.
Amplification:
- It looks for a way of being constructive (Phillips).
- It is the inner strength to overcome being self-absorbed.
- It goes through life with eyes outer-directed towards others’ needs.
- It requires attentiveness, noticing other’s physical needs and feelings.
- It develops a high emotional IQ.
- It is the opposite of self-preoccupation, self-exaltation, and self-concern.
Perspective Required for KINDNESS: Staying focused on our calling.
- Do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, BUT THROUGH LOVE SERVE ONE ANOTHER. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Gal 5:13-14).
- Whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served BUT TO SERVE, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
- Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required (Lk 12:48).
3. Love does NOT ENVY.
Amplification:
- Envy is a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another.
- It is an attitude of hostility towards a rival and may wish his downfall. God warns us against gloating over the downfall of anyone—even our enemy. Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, lest the Lord see it and be displeased (Prov 24:117-18).
- Biblical love irradicates both envy and sinful jealousy. Sinful jealousy desires to have the same or the same sort of thing for itself; but envy goes further and may include wanting to deprive the other of what he has.
- The envy that I see in my own heart is especially despicable—wanting to deprive a rival of something good. Wanting to find proof that a rival spiritual leader’s family has problems too instead of yearning for his success.
- Scripture tells us that the chief priests murdered Jesus because of their envy.
- Envy, like back-biting, is rooted in the folly that someone else being taken down somehow lifts ME up.
- Envy surrenders to the inner weakness of needing the validation of others in order to have self-esteem.
Perspective Required to NOT ENVY:
- Contentment—realizing that God has already provided everything I need for my present happiness.
- Wisdom: When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise (2 Cor 10:12).
- I am so sinfully competitive towards spiritual rivals, that when I feel these shameful, competitive feelings, I try to let them motivate me to pray for the success of these I feel competitive towards.
4. Love DOES NOT BOAST. KAUCHAMAI is always translated boast or glory.
Amplification:
- Most of us are smart enough to know that crass boasting drives others away. But J. B. Philip’s rendering of this phrase hits much closer to home. Love is not anxious to impress. Being a male who craves respect more than love, I am ashamed of how often I subtly make a statement crafted to impress.
- I even find myself making statements to my adult kids that show them that their old man is current and caught up on the latest world issues or technology—How sad. That is a case of being anxious to impress. My selfishness is everywhere. It would be more loving to affirm them by asking their opinion about what is happening in today’s news.
- It reflects incredible insecurity and self-centeredness to need to make sure that I shape the right picture of me in the mind of others!
- Agape love is rooted in the inner strength that overcomes worrying about what others think of us. Love is an iron-locked focus on the needs of others, which leaves no brain-space to worry about whether others like me or not!
Perspective Required to NOT BE ANXIOUS TO IMPRESS:
- Put my reputation on the altar. Entrust it to God. He may test whether we really have given it to him, but he takes good care of his possessions!
- Remember Jesus’ description of weak people whose lives are driven by what others think. Luke 6:26: “How miserable for you when everybody says nice things about you.” No one is more miserable than a person who tries to please everyone.
- It requires building mental toughness--skin thick enough to cause us to be inner-directed, not running every which way to find the approval of others.
5. Love is NOT ARROGANT. PHUSIOO is from PHUSA, bellows: to puff up, inflate
Amplified:
- Love does not cherish inflated ideas of its own importance (J. B. Phillips).
- William Beebe, the naturalist, used to often visit President Theodore Roosevelt at Sagamore Hill. After an evening’s talk, the two men would often gaze up into the sky. One of them would recite, ‘That is the Spiral Galaxy of Andromeda, which is as large as our Milky Way. It is one of a hundred million galaxies. It is 2,500,000 light-years away. It consists of one hundred million suns, many larger than our own sun.’ This was followed by a moment of silence, after which Roosevelt would grin and say, ‘Now, don’t you think we are small enough? Let’s go to bed.’
- Love eschews condescension towards the less successful. It is God who grants five talents, two talents, or one talent. Pride over our intellectual or leadership abilities is evil and misplaced. It is God who hands out giftedness. The true measure of success in the kingdom of God is our willingness to empty ourselves. That is why the Father has highly exalted Jesus.
Perspective required to NOT CHERISH AN INFLATED IDEA OF OUR IMPORTANCE:
- Paul confronts this puffed-up attitude head on when he writes to the Philippians, Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves (2:3).
- As I have wrestled with what this means, I think I have a clue. Every man listening to this podcast, if he heard shots fired while standing with his wife or kids, would immediately dive on top of them in the hope of taking any bullet coming their way. We know their life is more important than ours. And every father whose son has died has wished a thousand times over that he could have died instead of his son. Counting others more significant than ourselves may portray this kind of willingness to die to ourselves, putting the other first, as the most distinctive mark of Christ-followers.
6. Love is NOT RUDE. The Greek word means unseemly, behaving inappropriately.
Amplification:
- Love has good manners (J. B. Phillips). The term seems to imply both absolute propriety and what is culturally proper to show respect.
- Being polite is a way of exercising self-control towards others that exhibits respect towards them.
Perspective required to TREAT OTHERS WITH RESPECT:
- We must look at every human being and see God. We must see that no matter how destitute, broken, repulsive, or sinful that human is, he bears God’s image. God interprets our treatment of a human to be our treatment of HIM.
- In Matthew 25, Jesus taught that at the final judgement the sheep and goats will be separated based upon their response to HIM, the rightful king—how they cared for him when he was hungry, thirsty, homeless and naked. The story continues. Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ (25:37-40).
- Tough-minded men who want to be like Christ, train themselves to see every human being as a representative of God himself and thus deserving respect!
7. Love DOES NOT INSIST ON ITS OWN WAY. Literally, does not seek the things of himself.
Amplification:
- Love does not seek selfish advantage (J. B. Phillips).
- Love does not insist on getting its own way.
- This again is a direct blow to our self-preoccupation, self exaltation, self-fulfillment, self-promotion.
- Paul in Philippians 2 again pulls no punches--Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others (vs 4).
Perspective Required to YIELD MY RIGHTS:
- Trusting Jesus to provide what I need. Tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus…. My God will supply all that you need from his glorious resources in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6, 19).
- Give and it shall be given to you good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will they pour into your lap. For with whatever measure you use it will be measured to you. (Lk 6:37-38).
- We need to so trust God to meet our needs that we can focus without distraction on the needs of others.
8. Love is NOT IRRITABLE. The Greek word means easily provoked.
Amplification:
- It is not touchy. It does not pout, lick its wounds and head to its man cave.
- It rejects being SOFT and easily provoked to anger by another’s disrespect.
- It is sucking it up, putting on my BIG BOY pants, and ignoring the everyday wounds I take because those around me are fallen sinners.
- It means bearing the pain of their imperfection and praying for them more—because hurting people hurt people.
Perspective Required to IGNORE THE PAIN IN ME CAUSED BY OTHERS:
Paul gives us that perspective at the close of his first letter to the Corinthians, Act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love (16:13b-14).
9. Love is NOT RESENTFUL. LOGIZOMAI was used for accountants. It means to keep an account of evil, which is exactly the way J.B. Philips translates it.
Amplification:
- It means refusing to keep score. Once again, how convicting! There are many weeks in which if my wife asked me how many times I felt like she criticized me for something—I could probably give her an exact number. How unlike God!
- In Exodus 34, the Lord passed before Moses and proclaimed his identity, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
Perspective Required to OVERCOME RESENTMENT.
- Don’t keep score.
- Consider the glorious truth of justification. When my head hits the pillow each night, thinking about that day’s list of wrongs I’ve committed, I remember that God has just put that condemning list in the trash can to be picked up with the garbage. God’s mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:23). Maybe I need to put my list of my wife’s shortcomings in the trash each night as well. Maybe that is what Paul meant, when he said, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph 4:26).
10. Love DOES NOT REJOICE OVER WRONGDOING BUT REJOICES WITH TRUTH
Amplification:
- An action is never loving if it is tainted with unrighteousness.
- As a kid, I remember stealing money from my mother’s wallet because I wanted the money to buy a particularly nice gift for her. But God tells us here, that the end never justifies an unrighteous means.
- Having sex with another before marriage cannot be proof of real love.
- Accepting a transgender child’s mistaken identity, or same-sex attracted person’s sexual sin is not and can never be loving.
- Love never can be separated from truth.
Perspective Required to REJECT TRYING TO COMBINE LOVE AND SIN:
- Loving another could never cause us to encourage that person to sin, since the wage that sin pays is always destruction.
- Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life (Gal 6:7-8).
Okay, class. Put your pencils down. The exam is over. How did you do? I got an F-. It wasn’t even an F+. I have never produced a podcast that has so completely leveled me. I used to think I actually was a halfway loving husband.
When I first married, I memorized I Corinthians 13:1-8 (in the Phillips translation.) My idea was to meditate on it so that I could love my wife and kids well. Like most of my great intentions, it didn’t last long. But I think I had the right idea. And now, many years later, I think my F- indicates that I need to return to that habit. But I don’t meditate on this high bar by myself. I do it with a partner to be my power source. It is he who has said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Moving forward, I say with Paul, Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. If you didn’t ace the love exam either, may this be your prayer and encouragement as well.
For Further Prayerful Thought.
- How would you explain to another man that only men who want who aspire to inner toughness ought to try to be like Jesus?
- What insights about the nature of true, self-giving love most stood out to you?
- Which of the ten facets of agape love do you feel like you are exhibiting best?
- Which of the ten facets of agape love do you most need to work on?
